For many years, and even in this blog post here from a couple of years ago, I absolutely obsessed over balance. Work/life balance, mental balance, balanced diet, balance, balance, balance. I don’t know why on earth we place so much value on being balanced! Balancing anything is really f*cking hard! It is a constant push and pull between competing and presumably equal forces. It takes so much concentration, so much practice, tremendous energy, and it can be really damn scary. I mean depending where it happens and at what height, losing your balance can literally break you…forever.
I recall a debate that took place in my workplace several years ago. Concerns were brought forward to the boss that many of the staff felt that they didn’t have enough work/life balance. His response was literally “So what? It is not my responsibility to bring balance to anyone. That is a personal matter”. It might have been harsh, but he was right. I heard him. If I was working late, that was my choice. If I was was eating crap, my choice. If I didn’t have time for a yoga class, that was not his fault. I had a contract that stated I would spend 37.5 hours a week doing my job, and he would pay me for that. It didn’t bind me to working late night after night or to losing sleep worrying about clients or projects. It didn’t state anywhere that I agreed to remain in a state of constant distraction/panic related to my deliverable’s, my staff, or company politics. Nothing he could have done would have changed that. No amount of ping pong tables or espresso machines or work-at-home days would fix it. I mean, there are lots of great perks that employers can provide that make life a little easier, more enjoyable and productive, but balance is not something you can just install in the break room. Balance was on me and me alone, and by god, it was stressful! It was one more thing I needed to achieve in addition to excelling in my career, being a good mom, a good wife, sister, friend, daughter…on and on.
And you know what? Our whole family completely changed our lives, for the better, for more balance. Everything changed. Jobs, houses, towns, schools, schedules, you name it. Without a doubt, the whole balancing act became easier but it didn’t go away.
It is only recently that I have come to want something that seems entirely different than balance for myself. I don’t know where I heard the concept, or I would give all the credit to the source… maybe in a podcast, maybe overheard at a cafe or even experienced in a dream, but it shifted my perspective. It was the radical idea of abandoning balance in favour of HARMONY. A harmonious life, a life that sings.
Doesn’t that just SOUND and FEEL better? A state of being where all of the parts of life flow together seamlessly, although in varying degrees. Where volumes, notes, instruments, etc. can be adjusted and re-tuned…
What an absolute relief to look at life this way!
Someone I’m friends with on Facebook posts videos of her daughter doing gymnastics. Watching her on the balance beam stresses me the f*ck out. She never falls (or videos of her falling never get posted) but every second I feel she might. I always regret watching, even though the kid is amazing and will prob end up in the Olympics. Like, I DID NOT NEED THAT ANXIETY! Contrast that with the videos like this one that my beautiful niece Sophia posts, singing songs she wrote at her piano. The ones that make my hair stand up and tears stream and heart swell… you know what I mean? Can you relate? I’ll always take the song!
Honestly, at the end of the day, it might be a meaningless shift in perspective for most people, semantics really, but words have power and for me it changed my whole approach to living. To how, where, when and with whom I spend my time, how I direct my thinking, and how I make all of my choices large and small. I feel more empowered to make choices that are in service to harmony. Don’t get me wrong, I feel totally out of tune on the regular, I still have anxiety and wish for more hours in the day, but I never feel unbalanced – and that is a HUGE win in my books.
Middle...F*cking...Age 