Tag Archives: yoga

Harmony

For many years, and even in this blog post here from a couple of years ago, I absolutely obsessed over balance. Work/life balance, mental balance, balanced diet, balance, balance, balance. I don’t know why on earth we place so much value on being balanced! Balancing anything is really f*cking hard!  It is a constant push and pull between competing and presumably equal forces.  It takes so much concentration, so much practice, tremendous energy, and it can be really damn scary.  I mean depending where it happens and at what height, losing your balance can literally break you…forever.

I recall a debate that took place in my workplace several years ago. Concerns were brought forward to the boss that many of the staff felt that they didn’t have enough work/life balance. His response was literally “So what? It is not my responsibility to bring balance to anyone. That is a personal matter”. It might have been harsh, but he was right. I heard him. If I was working late, that was my choice. If I was was eating crap, my choice. If I didn’t have time for a yoga class, that was not his fault. I had a contract that stated I would spend 37.5 hours a week doing my job, and he would pay me for that. It didn’t bind me to working late night after night or to losing sleep worrying about clients or projects. It didn’t state anywhere that I agreed to remain in a state of constant distraction/panic related to my deliverable’s, my staff, or company politics.  Nothing he could have done would have changed that. No amount of ping pong tables or espresso machines or work-at-home days would fix it.  I mean, there are lots of great perks that employers can provide that make life a little easier, more enjoyable and productive, but balance is not something you can just install in the break room. Balance was on me and me alone, and by god, it was stressful! It was one more thing I needed to achieve in addition to excelling in my career, being a good mom, a good wife, sister, friend, daughter…on and on.

And you know what? Our whole family completely changed our lives, for the better, for more balance. Everything changed. Jobs, houses, towns, schools, schedules, you name it. Without a doubt, the whole balancing act became easier but it didn’t go away.

It is only recently that I have come to want something that seems entirely different than balance for myself. I don’t know where I heard the concept, or I would give all the credit to the source… maybe in a podcast, maybe overheard at a cafe or even experienced in a dream, but it shifted my perspective. It was the radical idea of abandoning balance in favour of HARMONY. A harmonious life, a life that sings.
Harmony

Doesn’t that just SOUND and FEEL better? A state of being where all of the parts of life flow together seamlessly, although in varying degrees. Where volumes, notes, instruments, etc.  can be adjusted and re-tuned…

What an absolute relief to look at life this way!

Someone I’m friends with on Facebook posts videos of her daughter doing gymnastics. Watching her on the balance beam stresses me the f*ck out. She never falls (or videos of her falling never get posted) but every second I feel she might. I always regret watching, even though the kid is amazing and will prob end up in the Olympics. Like, I DID NOT NEED THAT ANXIETY! Contrast that with the videos like this one that my beautiful niece Sophia posts, singing songs she wrote at her piano. The ones that make my hair stand up and tears stream and heart swell… you know what I mean? Can you relate? I’ll always take the song!

Honestly, at the end of the day, it might be a meaningless shift in perspective for most people, semantics really, but words have power and for me it changed my whole approach to living. To how, where, when and with whom I spend my time, how I direct my thinking, and how I make all of my choices large and small.  I feel more empowered to make choices that are in service to harmony. Don’t get me wrong,  I feel totally out of tune on the regular, I still have anxiety and wish for more hours in the day, but I never feel unbalanced  – and that is a HUGE win in my books.

 

Yes or No, or, Yes and No?

I have been going to Yoga for a few weeks now. Over the years I have gone off and on but mostly off. The main reason for this is laziness, followed closely by the secondary issue of just not having the time. To have the time means taking the time away from other things – like lying around with a book and tea.

The thing about lying around with a book, or my phone, or watching TV  is that I am present at home and available for the kids. They are older now and have their own thing going on in the evenings. Mostly revolving around Minecraft and Skyping with buddies. They don’t much need me, but when I am not present at home I am missed, I know this. Missed my them, missed by my husband.  I hear about it.

So I go to Yoga in fits and starts because eventually a combination of guilt and laziness sets in and I just give up. Those weeks when I have work obligations in the evening, or coffee with a friend or a new episode of Brooklyn 99… exercising falls off the to do list.

Why don’t I get up early and go in the morning you ask? ARE YOU JOKING?! DON’T YOU KNOW ME AT ALL? (If you are reading this and you are not my sister, you prob don’t, since I have only told like 3 people I am writing this blog, but trust me, I would never).

Back to Yoga. The instructor I had last night is my fave (Normally I do not abbreviate words but spell check objects to the Canadian spelling and I object to US spelling so it is my way of keeping the peace).

Back to the teacher. She is totally into the workout, which is what I like about Yoga. It is totally my speed, and as far as any of the working out I have ever done (stop laughing people who know me!), it is what my body likes the most (All of that great stretching and balancing and lying around setting intentions (which I suck at btw).

Another reason I like this particular instructor is that she never talks in that soft airy yoga voice, or says anything about chakras, or makes us chant or any of that other shit that makes me uncomfortable in other classes. (UPDATE: I have grown to embrace the “woo woo”)

She is pretty hardcore about the moves, her set list rocks, and I am sweating my ass off at the end of class (yes, it it HOT yoga, shut up).

Last night though, she got kinda philosophical and what she said was this:

Saying yes always means you are saying no to something, and saying no always means you are saying yes to something.

Maybe I was delirious from being dehydrated and doing a hundred cobra to downward dogs (I have low blood pressure, it makes me light headed) but in the moment, and still today, I find this obvious truth to be so profound.

I feel like I have a new framework for decision-making that is more holistic and thoughtful, with the potential, just like my pin #, to bring more positivity into my day.

It came at a good time. I have been asking myself a lot of really intense questions lately, and my husband too. I have been impatient for us to make some pretty massive life decisions so there is a lot of conflict going on right now (i.e. he is being passive aggressive and I am shrieking and swearing). It’s not great. I know I am stressing him out big time.

I can see now, one of the problems is that I am very much YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. We need to do this amazing thing that I want to do because it is amazing!!

And he is kinda like… well, maybe, but no, ok fine yes, actually no, but why? It might amazing or maybe what we are doing now is more amazing…

What we really need to do, together, is determine if we say yes to this amazing idea (or bad idea depending on who you ask), what are we saying no to? And if we say no, what are we then saying yes to?

Am I right?